thoughts over lunch

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The simplicity of

feeding the chickens

who laid the eggs

for me to cook

to feed

to the children.

 

can all of life possibly be this simple?

I am so thankful that my children are living just a little of this simplicity, in between  ipads and youtube train clips. I’m thankful that my three-year old with autism can tell the difference between a carrot and a potato and that I often find play dough in muffin trays in my oven because he has been making cookies. Both of our little ones enjoy cups of tea in the morning, not because they are thirsty, more so because they already in their young minds understand the sacredness of that first morning cup, where sleepy eyes and heads are not quite awake enough yet for the beginning, for play. They will learn where their food comes from and that they don’t really need much to keep their bellies content.. maybe just a few chickens roaming in the yard.

 

 

mothers

He asks,

‘What is it you do?

I’m a mother

‘Yes, I know that but what else, before that?

She feels her heart drop to the pit of her stomach , as she frantically searches her mind for a more suitable answer.

A mother, just a mother.

He is oblivious in the knowing, that in that moment all worthiness was stripped away and her heart was silently crying an abundance of tears

For the self she is yet to know and the self she has whole heartedly  given to her children.IMG_5801

when did it become not enough? when was it that becoming a mother became so undervalued?  It is true, there are parts of myself, parts that are not a mother or a wife but are simply me. They are most of the time in the shadows or only seen as a glimpse now and again and as mothers, the caretakers of our families we know only too well that this is a selfless journey we have chosen. We move through our days nurturing and nourishing our families by meeting needs and with an abundance of love. Often allowing all those who matter most to us to move on their journeys ahead of our own. We wait patiently, maybe for only a few minutes of solitude, or a full nights sleep, or enough time to take a bath, read a chapter in a book, or a pause long enough to feel the warmth of the sun on our faces, maybe the bigger things we will have to wait a little longer for.

It is undeniably deplorable that the very words ‘ I am a mother’ are so often perceived as insignificant and demeaning. That even I, when asked this was not able to convey my own importance and sacrifices here, that I was, in that moment diminished to feeling like it wasn’t enough.  I believe that if it wasnt for mothers, so many that are blessed to be living up to their ambitious dreams and walking the journeys that they have chosen for themselves without the need to pause or defer to raise the children, might look upon us in a new light and with gratitude in their hearts. IMG_5913 IMG_5925 IMG_5919 IMG_5929 IMG_5928

dear girls

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“I will teach my daughter not to wear her skin like a druken apology. I will teach her ‘make a home out of your body live in yourself, do not let people turn you into a regret, do not justify  yourself. If you are a disaster it is not forever, if you are a disaster you are the most beautiful one I have ever seen. Do not deconstruct from the inside out, you belong here, you belong here, not because you are lovely, but because you are more than that”

-Azra Tabassum, Your hands are threads, your body is a canvas

and..

“_you can’t make homes out of human beings someone should have already told you that.

and if he wants to leave

then let him leave

you are terrifying

and strange and beautiful

something not everyone knows how to love.”

-Warsan Shire

kitchen tale

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“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life
― Picasso

Every now and again life can temporally turn you up side down.  We are in a moment like that now. There seems to be a few things that i do during these moments, without much thought. Maybe unconsciously thats what Im needing to do. Most of the time I renovate or change something, make something new, leaving behind our world for a while. Fortunatly we have an old house with plenty of spaces to do this to. My latest creation is a kitchen wall. I painted it with chalkboard paint on a spur of the moment thing. I was only really intending to put a fresh coat on our babies chalk board and well just kept going. Surprisingly it’s turned out well. I added an old plank of wood as a shelf and filled a few wine bottles with olive oil. I feel better.