we live on a property. its been five years, that’s not a long time for this kind of life, on this kind of land. usually its the kind of place that’s been held onto, passed down, kept close. neighbours are known by the generations before them, fourty years of settlement in one place, one space of land, doing things a certain way. We are not part of that tribe, we are not farmers like that. I’ve never lived on land or owned land what ever that means. we have come with no real ideas of what we should do, no intentions, no goals set to be put into a forward motion. we simply arrived, and the story began. theres naivety and innocence in our big venture. a clean slate of no preconceived ideas on how a life like this should look from the outside. we had absolutely no idea of what managing a property even meant.
“…One of the first physiological responses after entering natural environments is sighing, a sign that the linear mind is slowing down, the sympathetic tone is relaxed, and our awareness is on its way down from the intellect to the heart. Buhner notes, that the Greeks had a word for this; aisthesis, which literally means “to breath in” -Sajah Popham
if i was to tell the story, its almost hard to believe, i still look around and are in awe of how its played out. there was no certainty in anything, nothing to rely on from the perspective of what was in front of us, nothing before us saying this is how you do this life. there was no guide book leading the way. No, our survival and happiness was going to require that i go much deeper than that. i would have to breathe her in. every step to arriving here, every interaciton, every conversation was all part of a larger plan that i had no idea was playing out. i was trusting something else, far greater in the knowing of everything. every action was one of faith, moving not on the rational, irrational perspectives of the surface space of ideas and notions of what we should or shouldn’t do. or off what i may be physically capable of handling and holding on my own. i was trusting this force, this quiet whisper that kept saying your on the right path, keep going, ive got you. everything looked like a crazy move, too risky to take especially with young children and no husband to do the heavy lifting, when things fall apart. but ive grown up knowing that isn’t really where my strength rises from. No, i was moving with grace, with ease and God.
after five years, i can see a there is a plan for us here, for me. its still not clear, its still in the unfolding, but i have some glimpses now of where it may be going, and it seems its not what i would have anticipated at all.
there will be no surface success story arising from here, no big money making schemes, no using anything as a commodity, not land, not animal, not human. No success cannot be valued like that from this place anymore, that part has become perfectly clear. theres something much deeper than that happening. it ruffles the feathers of people, to see us moving this way, without a plan, or intention to use what we have for that kind or purpose. but it seems to me that those kind of ways of moving with things is slowing changing now, moving from places of fear like that seems old, used up, and untrustworthy and not what is required of us anymore.
everyone that has arrived here, is meant to be here. no one will be moved on, or rehomed. this is a final resting place, for how ever long the duration is, that’s not for me to decide. the animals all arrived by some larger plan, it wasnt my plan, i simply left the space open for divine interference. slowly they arrived, never more than we could handle, and all perfectly timed for what ever healing was required for us and them. the dance began.
it became clear early on, everyone residing here, has come on purpose. not to be used or taken advantage of. this is hard for people to understand, they cant see that to sacrifice them on any level would be missing the mark. the opportunity that dwells withing the layers of the seen and unseen, is so much wider than the stories we have always lived by. there’s something more subtle to be grasped here.
and even though i cannot see the whole story, it doesnt really matter. what i can see is that, its more sanctuary than farm. more monestary than sanctuary, if i am truthful. everyday begins with God, surrendering to what ever the plan is, without needing to know the details. if i was to even try to stay in control here, without leaning on the greater force that i innatly know is there for us, i dont think we would have made it. i dont think it would have worked, it would have been just too much.
every step here was orchestrated by something far greater than thoughts arising from that place. if i was willing to move myself from there, that place of fear, the story would never changed and i would have stayed in things that were no longer for me, for the sake of a story that wasn’t mine. no, its better this way, nothing is certain, nothing is decided from me, im willing to be moved divinely, i’m willing to be held by higher hands in higher truth, now.
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