some more truth, for you dear friend

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I have a person, and there was for a short time when i lost hold of her. This time is one of the hardest moments for me to think about now, now that i’m back standing in my truth. Theres a noticeable gap now.  A gap in the memories we were creating together. One that, was probably necessary for things to play out the way they did, however now brings me a deep sense of loss. I regret that we missed time. I regret that i gave her up so easily, that i was willing to walk away from her, and the most devoted friendship I’d ever known and in turn my truth. Because to have her beside me would have meant not embarking on the path i was about to take, and for what ever reason, life was going to take me on that course. I know that i was deeply denying myself in this moment in my life, falling into the depths of a story that is still hard for me to make real sense of even now. I understand that she couldn’t have been here for me during this moment, she represented too much for me, she was the all and everything that was real and absolute about who i was and i was playing somebody else, in this moment. So Life in all its graciousness pressed pause on us for a while, until one day when she knew, it was time to once again press play. And in what can only be described as divine timing she returned and she brought with her my truth. She is the one i know i have travelled life times with and will continue travelling with for life times to come. Theres a knowing between us that runs far deeper than anything that could ever be explained here.  We love profoundly each other and each others children, we forgive and embrace the highest parts of ourselves always acknowledging that rarely do we have all the answers, knowing how unnecessary it would be anyway.  How comforting it is to know that when all else falls away, we are unafraid to let ourselves be seen by each other in all the shades and stories we carry, condemning neither against the other. Our children carry on the bond, walking their paths closely, more like siblings than friends, holding the memories we’ve created close to their hearts, knowing that the foundation has been laid for them to return to whenever the need calls. They know we have them, and they us and thats all that matters. This is the part of my life complete in its everything, nothing more could ever be asked, nothing about it requires change, it is the absolute already, and i am eternally grateful for her and the story.

discovering words

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Its taken a while, to get to this place. Where our boo is happy to play along side baby Georgie. We have been eagerly waiting and hoping that he would one day embrace and accept her existence. I’m happy to report we are there.  It seems to be that all we needed was time, time for her to grow and develop into a little person that he could understand. From a very young baby Georgie has taken special interest in her littlest brother, intrigued with his every move. Even now I catch her watching him, taking him in, her love for him radiates, it is like nothing I have ever seen between siblings. She began talking very early, imitating our words, repeating everything eager to learn this skill. Quite recently Boo too has caught on to this fine art of learning language. They are at a very similar level of communication and words that he says, she says, what i say, they both say there is a constant echo of words happening all of the time. It requires you to pay particular attention to everything that is said Im calling it mindful speech. My teenagers are yet to have the patience or tolerance for such notions, they have unfortunately but successfully planted ‘shut up’ as the common phrase used for asking everyone to be quiet please, in a house hold of 7 it is now used quite frequently by our boo. They are embarrassed to say the least. When we all go for walks with the babies and we happen to pass people who are leisurely in deep conversation and our babies repeat one after the other, ‘shut up’ at the innocent by passers, they clearly see the unfortunate dilemma we are now in. Unteaching this to a child with autism and his confident 15 month old accomplice,is going to take some time and lots of patients. A positive perspective on this scenario is, at least they arn’t practicing the fine art of profanity.. just yet.