feelings – St GEORGIA & Boo

trusting our own outrage

The freedom to be angry on purpose holds as much importance as does the freedom to be happy. One cannot exist without the other. There cannot be one feeling that circles around again and again, never realising anything other than itself. How would we ever possibly know what does not serve us well, if we were to only ever experience one single feeling without the contrast? Why are we taught to be so afraid of what this emotion entails? Our outrages can signify what doesn’t sit well with us, what truths maybe stirring beneath the surface of what we are yet to see. It could be what guides us in the process of recognising what is not in our best interest or what we should not be willing to settle for. Why have we been raised to be afraid of the contrast? To avoid the conflict at all costs, as if no positive outcomes or realisations could come from such experiences? We have been raised to not fight for ourselves. For some, the confrontation is so uncomfortable, that they are willing to hold themselves in untruths for the sake of peace, usually a peace that cannot and will not last or serve them well. I have had the freedom in my life to experience the contrast in such ways that i am now unafraid when it presents itself. I have learnt to pay careful attention when it rises, especially in the moments it catches me off guard. I am in a place now where i have learnt to deeply trust my own outrages. I have experienced the battle enough in life now to know that sometimes it’s necessary and required for things to move forward in the desirable direction. I have experienced it enough to no longer be afraid of what it entails. I am comfortable in the knowing that what drives my battle is a passionate truth. My own. I realise what serves as my truth can only ever be that. Not everyone is going to have the desire to live the same, they can only ever have their own truths to follow. I’m thankful for their contrast as it keeps me clear and heading in the direction to which I am wanting to go. And as hard as it maybe to fathom, it really is insignificant where others are standing in their lives. It only ever really matters and can become hazardous when you find yourself too focused on trying to change their truths rather than staying clear about where you are standing in your own. The story always only ever belongs to you. As soon as you can bring yourself into the realisation that you are always only ever creating the story, the sooner you can get on with paying attention to what it is you are wanting to look like. And becoming comfortable in all the shades we carry that take us along that journey.

teaching him empathy, learning about space.

LIFE

‘These woods are lovely,dark

and deep,

But i have promises to keep,

And miles to go before i sleep,

And miles to go before i sleep.

ROBERT FROST

There simply isn’t any time to crawl up into bed and sleep life away for a while, children are a blessing like that, i guess. They keep you moving, focused and in the moment and always on them; if it were to be any other way, i quite possibly might not get out of bed on this day.

some place, he goes

I often wonder where he goes. The moments when stillness overcomes his small body and a vacant look sets upon him deep within the souls of his eyes. He lays awake almost unmoving, yet in such a place you know in this moment, that you are not welcome to visit. You can’t go there with him, he can’t tell you where he’s been. I wonder what his thoughts are. What is this three-year old contemplating so deeply on. Or is he even contemplating at all. Maybe he is in that place, the place we have all at times in our lives so desperately wanted to escape to. The place of nothingness. Where needing and wanting simply don’t exist. There is no feeling, no emotion, no thought. Just being. Being still in a world that is full of ever moving motion. I wonder if i’ll ever know where he goes. I wonder if there will be a time when he will know, or if it will remain a mysterious part of his life, for his life. There is a part of me that hopes he’ll hold onto this special place, a hope that he won’t grow out of or forget how to get there. I’m not bothered by when or how often he disappears, I’m reassured that where ever he is going there is peace and it is offering him a calmness that can come from no other place than there. This place, is a sanctuary of rest that seems to belong to only him, it’s a blessing, a moment of clarity, it’s probably more real than anything else in this wonderful dream like state we are all living in.