There’s always a time that comes when raising children that it becomes necessary to step to the side. We can only guide and set the pace for so long, then they begin to stretch themselves in and out of the comfortable and familiar places to see whats out there, what else is on offer. They begin this process of sifting and sorting through life’s offerings usually at a time when we believe they are most vulnerable. We are wanting to keep them close by, keep them securely tucked under our wings, keep them safe from all we know is out there. But the truth is, it’s necessary that they begin to know this for themselves. It’s necessary that we listen to what it is they are wanting and needing to do, at what ever age it presents itself, however hard at times it may be to hear. Our readiness as parents may not always line up with theirs. We must be able to step to the side, even if the words are hard to hear, even if we already know what the probability of the outcome will be. Even if we believe that their choice is not going to serve them well, it remains to be their choice. I have been learning to stand to the side of my children for some time now. Their choices are hard ones to hold at times, and it has become necessary to know when to keep quite and allow the sifting and sorting of their preferences to be that of their own. My children have been learning what works for them and what doesn’t from very young ages. At times its felt as though some of the lessons have been too hard, that they have been too young to be carrying such weights. Weights, that most of the time they have chosen for themselves. It’s not easy to stand to the side, in the deepest of love, and wait, wait to see if they will come back full circle. I’ve noticed, that most of the time they usually do, on most things. They begin somewhere with an idea of themselves and they want to see how it fits out there in the world. Then they play, explore, dream, fly and fall. And eventually, usually always they’ll end up somewhere where they first began. This is the beginning of their lives moving in circles, eventually everything always brings them home, back to themselves.
I have come to a point where stopping or turning back is no longer an option anymore. I realise too much now. Have seen, felt, and intimately know a truth that flows way beyond the depths of any of the stories we are telling ourselves in the here, and now. This understanding comes with a responsibility to myself, to my children and to you, as a part of our world. I can no longer walk this life asleep. The way i move must be in alignment with the what i believe, even if the path is the ‘one less travelled’. I know i will come up against some resistance, i know that interrogation is apparent, i know that not everyone is willing to go against the greater story that has been created, i know not everyone is willing to wake up. It’s a difficult path, it’s a path that won’t follow a dictation that doesn’t serve the highest self, it’s a path that won’t buy into being told what to do and how it must be done for acceptance from a social system that is clearly no longer working. A system that keeps us motionless in the evolution of our true selves. It’s a path that flows from love not fear, it’s a path of doing whats right, moving in a way that serves each other free from hinderance, because once you know better you have a responsibility to do better. I can no longer make my choices based on theories that don’t resonate truth for me, theories that have been determining the outcomes for the people of this world for, forever now. I am not willing to fall back into beliefs and ways that cause devastation and effect everything, when i know how deeply and with great certainty that the way i move, matters. We share the air we breathe, the sky and stars i see, you see. We are all intrinsically connected to each other, there is no you there and me here. Our children are going to walk this earth long after we have moved on, and that matters. Our children must be given the grace to walk in a new direction. They already have the awareness, they already know how it should be, they are born knowing. We change their story so very young, we dictate their lives, put them into systems that don’t work and demand they comply. We do this so they will grow to become good, complying, sociably acceptable adults that will refrain from questioning anything greater or different. We do this so that they will continue to abide in this world that is driven by fear, power and money, rather than love and faith. We do this so that they will fall into the deep sleep, and forget all they know to be true for themselves and each other and hope that they’ll take on enough of the illusion to get them through their lives in what we perceive to be some ideal happiness. It really begins and ends here, eventually they grow and realise that life rarely works that out that way, and it is then that they too will begin the journey of unlearning all they were told to be true for themselves. Change is emanate. Our children must be allowed to lead the way, to flow to new rhythms, to advance and surpass the outmoded ways of thinking without being sanctioned. We must give up the idea that we know better, and stop telling them what we believe that they need to know. They already have the wisdom, all we need do is refrain from pulling them so far away from themselves that they inevitably forget.
I often wonder where he goes. The moments when stillness overcomes his small body and a vacant look sets upon him deep within the souls of his eyes. He lays awake almost unmoving, yet in such a place you know in this moment, that you are not welcome to visit. You can’t go there with him, he can’t tell you where he’s been. I wonder what his thoughts are. What is this three-year old contemplating so deeply on. Or is he even contemplating at all. Maybe he is in that place, the place we have all at times in our lives so desperately wanted to escape to. The place of nothingness. Where needing and wanting simply don’t exist. There is no feeling, no emotion, no thought. Just being. Being still in a world that is full of ever moving motion. I wonder if i’ll ever know where he goes. I wonder if there will be a time when he will know, or if it will remain a mysterious part of his life, for his life. There is a part of me that hopes he’ll hold onto this special place, a hope that he won’t grow out of or forget how to get there. I’m not bothered by when or how often he disappears, I’m reassured that where ever he is going there is peace and it is offering him a calmness that can come from no other place than there. This place, is a sanctuary of rest that seems to belong to only him, it’s a blessing, a moment of clarity, it’s probably more real than anything else in this wonderful dream like state we are all living in.
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
Khalil Gibran, The Prophet