coming full circle

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There’s always a time that comes when raising children that it becomes necessary to step to the side. We can only guide and set the pace for so long, then they begin to stretch themselves in and out of the comfortable and familiar places to see whats out there, what else is on offer. They begin this process of sifting and sorting through life’s offerings usually at a time when we believe they are most vulnerable. We are wanting to keep them close by, keep them securely tucked under our wings, keep them safe from all we know is out there. But the truth is, it’s necessary that they begin to know this for themselves. It’s necessary that we listen to what it is they are wanting and needing to do, at what ever age it presents itself, however hard at times it may be to hear. Our readiness as parents may not always line up with theirs.  We must be able to step to the side, even if the words are hard to hear, even if we already know what the probability of the outcome will be.  Even if we believe that their choice is not going to serve them well, it remains to be their choice.  I have been learning to stand to the side of my children for some time now. Their choices are hard ones to hold at times, and it has become necessary to know when to keep quite and allow the sifting and sorting of their preferences to be that of their own. My children have been learning what works for them and what doesn’t from very young ages. At times its felt as though some of the lessons have been too hard, that they have been too young to be carrying such weights. Weights, that most of the time they have chosen for themselves. It’s not easy to stand to the side, in the deepest of love, and wait, wait to see if they will come back full circle. I’ve noticed, that most of the time they usually do, on most things. They begin somewhere with an idea of themselves and they want to see how it fits out there in the world. Then they play, explore, dream, fly and fall. And eventually, usually always they’ll end up somewhere where they first began. This is the beginning of their lives moving in circles, eventually everything always brings them home, back to themselves.

words for daughters on their birthdays

 

Dear Daughters, I have offered you all that I know that is to be true.   You have, my insight, though i understand you will gather your own as you move yourselves out into the world.   You have my wisdom, yet i know you will inevitably draw on your own innate wisdom as you are called to do so. I have not sheltered you from life’s hurts and devastations as you too, will not be spared such conditions.   I will not clench onto you, or hold you back, or keep you from going forth towards life’s beckoning, where ever that may lead you to be.  You have my truth, of all i believe truly matters in this life and enough understanding to now to go forth and decide for yourselves. You have the depth of my understanding on deciphering what and what not to allow to come forth into your lives, and enough Bodhi to decide for yourselves, Now.  In your lives you have witnessed me fall, and find enough strength to regather and find my way back over and over. Now, when you fall you will instinctively know that you will rise again and again, with a strength that you can only ever come to realise this way. You have not been sheltered or spared from life’s chaos, understanding deeply now that everything is always as it is meant to be and everything always goes around in circles.  You are learning to draw to yourselves youR own ideas and gather the pictures for your lives now;  the stories you will tell with the understanding that everything is temporary and if you change your mind, you can always choose again.   I have endeavored to follow my own heart, without settling into anything that doesn’t serve the highest part of myself,  to not allow the conditions and ideas of the world to hinder my journey, i have done this with you dear daughters, securely tucked under my wing, so that may you always know that you are never limited to be someplace or someone who you truly are not. I know that there have been times when i have failed you, times when i have let you down or misjudged some fragment in your lives, as it is the human experience that mistakes will be made, but for this my heart is sorry. It is here we have learnt, what forgiveness really means. When you fly daughters, go where your heart calls, be unafraid to be all of who you truly are and never let anyone tell you different, use your voice as you have been blessed in this life to speak up, use it to really make a difference whether it is to one person or a country, and know that You are always divinely equipped to do this, And know that whenever life moves you in such a way that you need to fly home, just fly home.

Happy Birthday Girls.

 

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We will be arriving here soon. This will become our new playground, trading in metal swings and plastic slides for bare feet and sand castles. After dinner walks in sea breezes, and the welcoming of the much needed freedom to begin to flow through our lives rather than the stampede that has been governing us for some time now.  Life in this place begs for an untethered way, where associations will become secondary to contentment. We will move with purpose and only purposely move now. We will decipher carefully how and who will move with us from here. We will be discerning in our choices, only allowing what serves us to continue. We will do this in the deep knowing, that this is our right, that saying no, is perfectly fine, and with the wisdom of understanding that by not allowing what no longer serves us to remain, gives way for what lies ahead to gracefully unfold.

rational, irrational?

“I hate to hear you talk about all women as if they were fine ladies instead of rational creatures. None of us want to be in calm waters all our lives.”
― Jane AustenPersuasion

 

When is it acceptable to raise a voice? Be assertive, aggressive in passion, view, thought, idea, belief? Perhaps behind closed doors? Perhaps in the safe confinements of a home? Is there a time and suitable place that such emotions would ever be deemed justifiable and acceptable?   Is everyone not made of the same stuff?  Is anger never to be expressed? Or is it that some fall into the  ambivalent class where expressions as such are permissible.   Must we shut down, be equable, behave only in ways others can suffice?   Is it appropriate to condemn and belittle when expressions are not kept in the rigidity of nice, or pleasant, or more importantly agreeable?   Why must one’s very persona come under attack simply for being angry?  Yes, I am not pretty all of the time.  I am not going to be pretty in the moment if the moment calls for something other. I will not be told to  settle down, or not to raise my voice, i will shout from rooftops without permission, now.  It will not serve well to belittle my integrity. I am a pillar of strength, and will not whimper to manoeuvring ways.