coming full circle

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There’s always a time that comes when raising children that it becomes necessary to step to the side. We can only guide and set the pace for so long, then they begin to stretch themselves in and out of the comfortable and familiar places to see whats out there, what else is on offer. They begin this process of sifting and sorting through life’s offerings usually at a time when we believe they are most vulnerable. We are wanting to keep them close by, keep them securely tucked under our wings, keep them safe from all we know is out there. But the truth is, it’s necessary that they begin to know this for themselves. It’s necessary that we listen to what it is they are wanting and needing to do, at what ever age it presents itself, however hard at times it may be to hear. Our readiness as parents may not always line up with theirs.  We must be able to step to the side, even if the words are hard to hear, even if we already know what the probability of the outcome will be.  Even if we believe that their choice is not going to serve them well, it remains to be their choice.  I have been learning to stand to the side of my children for some time now. Their choices are hard ones to hold at times, and it has become necessary to know when to keep quite and allow the sifting and sorting of their preferences to be that of their own. My children have been learning what works for them and what doesn’t from very young ages. At times its felt as though some of the lessons have been too hard, that they have been too young to be carrying such weights. Weights, that most of the time they have chosen for themselves. It’s not easy to stand to the side, in the deepest of love, and wait, wait to see if they will come back full circle. I’ve noticed, that most of the time they usually do, on most things. They begin somewhere with an idea of themselves and they want to see how it fits out there in the world. Then they play, explore, dream, fly and fall. And eventually, usually always they’ll end up somewhere where they first began. This is the beginning of their lives moving in circles, eventually everything always brings them home, back to themselves.

space for contemplation

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We bake on most days, today it was scones. It’s hands on, messy and always unpredictable. Much like life. I’m thankful to finally be in place within where I am truly unconcerned with the unfolding of things, at peace with the predictable and unpredictable, similarly. I’m more contented in the not doing than the doing right now,  its making way for space and thought and much needed reflection before embarking on this next chapter. Life is insisting that i move slowly and cautiously especially in what I’m deciphering to be serving for us right now. And I’m paying close attention this time, to the unspoken wisdom of this voice. I’m unafraid to press pause, to make room for the greater understanding that is surfacing.  I’m not interested in repeating patterns. If i am willing life to move differently, i understand i must move differently also. Permission is unnecessary and not required at this stage in my life, saying no is inevitable.  Retreating rarely suits everyone involved, It’s always going to be a personal journey, a reflection of the solitude kind.  Retreating into quietness of thought, leaning into the places for deeper reflection is where life is beckoning me to be right now.  I’ve decided to go. Not necessarily anywhere but I’m taking the journey within. I’m deciding to push pause. It won’t require me to run away from my life, because there’s no longer anything to run away from. But it does require that i pay close attention to all that has unfolded and in many ways is still unfolding. I’ll be keeping it simple. Staying close to the moment. No plans, no obligations or commitments, not for now anyway.