“As to what good qualities there may be in our souls, or Who dwells within them, or how precious they are — those are things which we seldom consider and so we trouble little about carefully preserving the soul’s beauty. All our interest is centred in the rough setting of the diamond, and in the outer wall of the castle — that is to say, in these bodies of ours.”
― Teresa of Ávila, Interior Castle
I’m moving to a slower rhythm, keeping things simple, deciding what can and can’t flow through my life right now. I’m sure, and unsure, being brave and honest with myself. I’m allowing, unresisting to any uncomfortable movements that are arising and just letting them be. I’m giving myself the grace to be with all it entails. This is the only way forward, this is the only way that the new story can be created from here. I must know all of my inner most ingredients, everything that makes me move the way i do. I’m spending much needed time, unraveling, dreaming, grieving, understanding and finding my way back, towards forgiveness and acceptance. I can see all the answers, i can see how wonderfully great it is going to be, i can see the picture i’m creating and the way it will look, but i know i can’t just arrive there, to this wonderful new place. i know that there’s no skipping ahead, not on this journey im on, not this time. Everything that comes up, needs to be moved through, nothing can be rolled up, or put to the side or saved for later.. for some other time. i have arrived in a place that i wont allow myself to travel back from, i am willing to do or not do, what ever it takes to arrive completely at home with myself, again.
lemon thyme tuna patties
ingredients: 4 potatoes, finely diced spanish onion, tuna, fresh sprigs of thyme, rind of 1 lemon, sea salt, cracked pepper, parsley, 5 slices stale bread, 1 free range egg, olive oil
method: in a food processor, combine bread, parsley pinch of salt and process into fine bread crumbs. Boil the potato’s whole with the skins on until cooked through and soft when pierced though the centre. Allow to cool slightly before peeling and disregarding the skins and mash with potato masher. Combine tuna with a little of the olive oil, onion, lemon rind, thyme, egg, with the potatoes. Stir mix through and season generously. Roll table spoonfuls into patties and coat in the bread crumbs , laying in a single layer on a tray and refrigerate for 1/2 an hour. Heat a non stick fry pan with olive oil and cook patties until a golden brown before gently turning to cook the other side. Serve with a light citrus salad, hot or cold.
“Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to.”
— Alan Watts
“I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for truth – and truth rewarded me.”
— Simone de Beauvoir
I want to tell my children, don’t mind going against the grain. Don’t be afraid of wanting to make choices that don’t seem logical, or sensible, or what you believe is expected. I want to tell them, only ever make your decisions from your own truth. From the place that sits deep within, the place that tells you well ahead that something isn’t right, that something isn’t good for you. The same place can lead you towards living in a way that speaks only your highest truth. I want to tell them, it wont always fit in with everyone, it wont always be what other people want for you or from you, nevertheless follow yourself anyway. I want to tell them, don’t fall into a sleep walk in your lives, don’t just accept that going through the motions is enough, it rarely is. Be your own enough, strive for all it is you are wanting and here is the secret, you must believe it. You must hold the deepest faith that all you are wanting will come about if you stay true to yourself. I want to tell them, now that I am older, I know better. I want to save them from some of the heart aches even though I know, really this isn’t possible and more than likely it’s necessary anyway. I want to tell them all of this, in a moment when they can really understand. I want to tell them that it matters, but really I understand that it doesn’t in the end.