carly macaulay

raspberry and vanilla pod jam

It’s important that my children know where the food they eat begins. That not everything must be bought from the supermarket and most of the time what we can create in the kitchen with our own hands and hearts has a far greater effect on their well-being than anything that can be bought off a shelf, even jam.

Raspberry and Vanilla Pod Jam

ingredients: 700g fresh or frozen raspberries, 700g caster sugar, 3 teaspoons of vanilla pod paste, juice of 2 lemons, 1 tablespoon of pectin powder(optional)

method: Before beginning place a saucer in the freezer to chill and wash and sterilise your jars by boiling in a pot of water for 10 minutes. To make the jam, combine raspberries and sugar in a heavy base pot on a low heat and gently heat until all the sugar is dissolved. Add the vanilla paste and juice of the lemons and the pectin powder to the mix. Adjust the heat to a low boil, creating good movement within the mix. Stir regularly to avoid sticking and burning for 20 to 25 minutes. When the jam starts to reduce and thicken lower the heat and test by dropping a teaspoon of the jam onto the chilled plate from the freezer. If the jam develops a skin once on the plate and wrinkles when pushed with your finger, it’s ready. Turn off the heat and allow to stand for a few minutes before funneling into hot pre sterilized jars. Seal with the lids while still hot.

the invitation -Oriah

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dream for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon… I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life’s betrayal or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

-Oriah

listening to..

words and lemon thyme butter biscuits

‘It is worse to stay where one does not belong at all than to wonder about lost for a while and looking for a psychic and soulful kinship one requires. It is never a mistake to search for what one requires. Never.’

-Clarissa Pinkola Estes

She has up until this point tried to go without her soul life. That was never going to be enough. There comes a time when beginning again is necessary. Stripping back the layers of any delusions she has built up around herself over the years, revealing what lies beneath. This will take sometime, many moments requiring patients and the deepest of commitment to herself. She will begin the decent, travelling the road into the depths of her own intricate self. It could possibly be the most important journey she is ever going to take. For some, this time never comes, for others it comes with great fears attached, tremendous risks or copious hurts. The beginning of the decent usually comes without choice, it presents with a sense of urgency, it is a matter of survival, not of the hungry kind, we are talking about something much deeper than that. One where she knows, if she allows things to remain the same, that she most definitely will not survive. That any truth of her own will be lost, that she will lose her ‘self’ in this life she is moving through. There is a part in the back of her mind that is all-consuming with a terrifying fear, one that she has never before experienced, one that says don’t do it, stay here, safe and hidden in this story you have created for yourself. It is here in this moment that she must gather all that she knows to be true about herself, draw deeply on her faith and instinctual self and go, in a way that she knows she must. It is here, where she let’s go, of all that she knows to be true, of any safe haven she had, leaving her only with her own vulnerability in the palms of her hands. She does ‘this in order to learn her way, in order to clear her way, to the true and wild self.’

lemon thyme butter biscuits

ingredients:125 g butter,softened,100g caster sugar,1 free-range egg,200g plain flour,zest of 2 lemons,¼ teaspoon baking powder,1 pinch sea salt,3 tablespoons demerara sugar, juice of a lemon, 1/3cup icing sugar, Few sprigs of thyme

method: Beat the butter and sugar in a bowl with an electric mixer until light and creamy. Add the egg and beat until light and fluffy. Add the flour, lemon zest, baking powder and salt and mix until you have a ball of dough. Cover and place in the fridge for 1 hour, or until firm.
Preheat your oven to 180°C. Roll out the dough on a floured surface until ½cm thick. Using a cookie cutter, cut the dough into desired shape and place onto a lined baking tray. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes or until the edges are light brown. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely before icing. Mix the icing sugar and add the juice of a lemon slowly until the desired consistency is reached, aim for thick pouring cream consistency, too thin and it will run off the biscuits. Sprinkle with demerara sugar and tiny sprigs of thyme. Set in the fridge for an hour before serving. Place in a jar or air tight container in the fridge to keep.

Slightly varied butter biscuit recipe, Jamie Oliver, Ref -Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women who run with the wolves

carrot cake with dark agave nectar

Carrot Cake

ingredients: 2cups SR flour, 1/2cup brown sugar, 1/4cup dark agave nectar, 3 freerange eggs, 1/4cup vegetable oil, 2 carrots grated, 1cup soy milk

method: combine all the ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mix well until all combined. Pour mixture into a lined and greased cake tin. Bake in preheated oven at 180°C for 45 minutes or until cooked through. Serve while still warm with a little butter and a drizzle of agave nectar.

alright then..

“Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer. Write like you’re a goddamn death row inmate and the governor is out of the country and there’s no chance for a pardon. Write like you’re clinging to the edge of a cliff, white knuckles, on your last breath, and you’ve got just one last thing to say, like you’re a bird flying over us and you can see everything, and please, for God’s sake, tell us something that will save us from ourselves. Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone. Write like you have a message from the king. Or don’t. Who knows, maybe you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to.”

— Alan Watts

thank you

walking towards truth

“I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for truth – and truth rewarded me.”
— Simone de Beauvoir

I want to tell my children, don’t mind going against the grain. Don’t be afraid of wanting to make choices that don’t seem logical, or sensible, or what you believe is expected. I want to tell them, only ever make your decisions from your own truth. From the place that sits deep within, the place that tells you well ahead that something isn’t right, that something isn’t good for you. The same place can lead you towards living in a way that speaks only your highest truth. I want to tell them, it wont always fit in with everyone, it wont always be what other people want for you or from you, nevertheless follow yourself anyway. I want to tell them, don’t fall into a sleep walk in your lives, don’t just accept that going through the motions is enough, it rarely is. Be your own enough, strive for all it is you are wanting and here is the secret, you must believe it. You must hold the deepest faith that all you are wanting will come about if you stay true to yourself. I want to tell them, now that I am older, I know better. I want to save them from some of the heart aches even though I know, really this isn’t possible and more than likely it’s necessary anyway. I want to tell them all of this, in a moment when they can really understand. I want to tell them that it matters, but really I understand that it doesn’t in the end.

teaching him empathy, learning about space.

It is hard to explain and accept that you can’t just assume that he will always embrace your affections. That after hours or days or even weeks of not seeing his delightful smile, that he would openly allow you to take him into your arms. So that you may show him how much you love him, how much he means to you. This is not how it works for him. He must decided when. He must decide how it will play out. This is alright if you have no needs to fill, if you are perfectly happy within the space he creates for a while. It is hard to explain that this is not personal. That even a mother, a father, a grandparent or sibling can be denied at anytime. It is easy to assume that just because he wont allow you to take him in your arms, that he is not happy to see you. It is easy to mistake this for not caring. It is easy to feel hurt, even betrayed by his rejections. He is only three, and unaware of it all. I see, when people come to visit, how excited he is, how he hides this behind peculiar noises and animal masks. I see, that he is wanting to engage you, how happy he is that you are here, that you have come to see him. He may not show you this in the way you are expecting. He may show you this by watching you for a while from a distance, he may talk to you from behind his hands or he’ll find something for you to play with beside him. When he’s ready, when he feels that there is no longer any pressure, he will show you love. The love that you were seeking from the very beginning. I have found that it is always better to ask first. This is an unusual mannerism to try to adopt, to try to get others to follow suit too, that we should ask the other if a cuddle is alright or a kiss to say I love you, especially if that other is only a child. We are so accustomed to greeting each other this way, it comes naturally for most, and usually expected. It’s a pattern we have had to relearn for this little one. In the process it is teaching us about boundaries and personal space even with the ones we love. We are having to teach him about feelings and empathy and faces and body language. Why we sometimes cry and that laughing means you are happy. We are learning too, every step of the way, to take more notice of each other, to read the signs, to assume nothing and most of all to be patient. I don’t know if this will ever come naturally to him, if he will always find it at times uncomfortable and unnecessary. I’m not sure if we can change this or if we even should be trying. He is who he is, it won’t always fit with the world, it won’t always be what we want it to be, but if we can teach him to love and embrace himself in all his uniqueness and not be bothered so much about the things that really don’t matter, then I believe, that will be more than enough.

making the bread

making the bread.

making the bread

Tranquility. Awareness. Jewish identity. Family. Truly restful sleep and the best food on earth . . .

We’re told that no such thing exists, but Shabbat may well be the panacea to modern life. Imagine: a day on which the world stands still. Imagine: a time when the search for your spiritual center ceases—because you now are at your spiritual center. Imagine: Shabbat

–chabad.org

This is a beautiful Jewish bread, a custom we have borrowed and adopted as our own. We make the bread with many hands, through which my children learn about life. Everything is a process, finding the right ingredients, seeing if they fit, moving with them for a while, then rest and contemplate before you rise. Begin moving again into your desired shape, there are no rules here, if you don’t wish there to be.. Rest some more, and when you are ready rise again to your full potential. The final moment is deliciously sweet, full of love, baked to perfection and offers the world a wonderful slice of truth.

challah bread

ingredients: 1 cups lukewarm water,1packet active dry yeast,1 teaspoon sugar,3 free range eggs,1 free range for wash,1/4 cup honey,2 tbsp canola oil,2 tsp salt,4 cups plain 000 flour

method: Combine the lukewarm water and the yeast with the sugar into a small bowl, stir to dissolve. Wait for 10 minutes. The yeast should activate by beginning to foam. If it doesn’t, your yeast may have expired. pour the flour into a large mixing bowl. Lightly beat the eggs then add them with yeast mixture, honey,oil and salt to the flour mixture. stir to combine then turn out and knead for 10 minutes. Lightly grease the bowl with canola oil and return the dough to the bowl, cover with film and a tea towel and rest in a warm place for an hour. when the dough has double in size punch down to remove the air pockets, then recover and allow to rise agin. When the dough has doubled for the second time, it is time for the braiding. This is when the bread is blessed before it is separated and braided. Divide the mixture into two or three equal portions. On a large lined baking tray begin to plat the dough, tuck the ends under at each end. With the remaining egg make a wash by combing 1 egg with 1 tablespoon cold water. brush over the entire loaf and allow to rest for a further 45 minutes. Then bake in the oven at 190°C for 20 minutes, then remove and brush again with the egg wash. Return to the oven for a further 20 minutes. Once cooked, remove from the oven and place on a rack to allow to cool slightly before serving.. If it lasts that is. Ours never does.

listening to.. Ólafur Arnalds

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02SOi1ZUh8s

warm orange syrup for orange and poppy seed cake

orange and poppy seed cake

ingredients:1 1/2cups SR Flour,3/4cup caster sugar,1teaspoon vanilla extract,2tablespoons poppy seeds,3/4-1cup freshly squeezed orange juice,2freerange eggs,2 tablespoons olive oil,180grams softened butter

method:In a kitchen mixer combine the sugar, butter, vanilla and mix until pale and creamy. Add the eggs, olive oil, flour and orange juice. Once combined add the poppy seeds and stir through by hand. Pour the mix into a well greased and lined cake tin. Bake at 165°C in a preheated oven or until cooked through the middle.

Orange Syrup

ingredients: Rind of 1 orange pith removed, juice of 1 1/2 oranges,1/2cup caster sugar, teaspoon vanilla extract,1/4cup water

method:combine all the ingredients into a pan, simmer over a low heat until mixture thickens and becomes syrupy. Pour over orange cake while still warm. Serve with thickened cream

a letter to a teacher

Dear…

I am sending you this in response to a conversation you had with a student, my daughter, a few weeks ago prior to the end of term.Firstly I wish to express that by writing this letter, by no means am I wanting this to cause any disturbance or ill feelings with in the teaching and school environment, my intention here is simply to inform you of a different perspective on a simple conversation for your further consideration.

The conversation in question proceeded with you asking my daughter if she knew what it was she wanted to do with her life after secondary school, or if she had an idea of what it is she could see herself doing with her future.

Undoubtedly, this is a relevant and important question that these young adults need to begin thinking about. It is a question of such significance that often it is asked over and over again many times though out a single life time.

My daughter, has indeed considered this question in great depths over the past few years, it is a conversation that naturally occurs quite regularly in our family around the dinner table. My daughter is insightful and clear about what it is that simply makes her happy and what it is that does not. She has an understanding about the things in life that drive her to want to know more, learn more about, take action on, become a voice for. She is passionate in life and understandings about the things that Really matter. Her strongest and most obvious caliber is her ability to create; her visual mind is of extraordinary magnitude.

When she answered this question for you, she gave you her absolute truth.She gave you a lovely list of things she ‘could see’, and I emphasize here, ‘see’ herself doing with her future. Her list I imagine would have consisted of many creative ideas and inventiveness. I understand that from an academic point of view this may not seem like a viable way to pave for ones future, that these choices that are being considered may or may not lead to what society deems a suitable or economically sustainable way of living. Your responses however, whether it be what you actually believe, or a moment of unconscious thought, to my daughter’s ideas about her life’s future were quite disheartening and surprising to say the least. You proceed to inform her that her ideas she was considering were merely just that of ‘hobbies’ and that they were not a means for ‘making a living’. I don’t wish to quote here on the exact way in which the conversation took place, however what does matter is the understanding of which my daughter walked away with from the experience.

You have in your judgments of what is considered to be a viable future and what is not, bought her to a place at a vital young age to question herself about her abilities to offer something of value and insight to the world in which we live.

Now, my question to you is this, if we are not to guide these young minds to follow their dreams, to pursue their passions and the very things that are the driving force behind what makes them who they are as individuals, and instead lead them to follow the ideas and beliefs of another on the advice that it is a better way, or the only sustainable way; are we not creating a society of individuals who need to perform rather than live and rather than acceptance of who they are, conditioning them into an idea of what they should be?

I beg you to consider this, if we are to follow the essence of who we are, and are fortunate enough to be able to offer a valuable truth of ourselves to the world and the people in which inhibit this world, are we not in essence creating a better place for ourselves and those around us to live. Where would we be with out the creative writers who offer their poetry for you to teach, where would we be without the painters who have embellished this planet with extraordinary pieces that are admired and past down through the tests of time, and the person who sat with pencil in hand and drew the outline of the satchel you carry your important papers in, and the books that are written, the gardens you stroll through, the glorious meals created from ingredients before they find themselves into the recipe books you cook from.

There are millions of ways to walk this life, my daughter is blessed enough that she falls into many, many ideas in which she will pave her way, all of which I’m certain will have a creative flare. And when I think of that prospect for her, I am unconcerned with the amount of money she will make, or even the details in how it will happen. For now, all that is important is that she believes in herself.

You hold an important and highly valued role within the school community, and have always been highly regarded in your opinion towards particular subjects with my children. It must be recognized that your view does impact the ways in which we move these young minds towards their futures. That you are in fact, in a position of great significance by educating and shaping these minds with ideas about themselves and the choices they will need to make.

Another student at the school, recently showed me a thought provoking piece by Alan Watts, titled ‘What if money was no object’ that is quite similar to that of which I have expressed here, if you are yet to see this piece, you may find it of interesting listening.

Kind Regards,

Carly Macaulay

lemon buttermilk pancakes with raspberry coulis

ingredients:1 1/2cups self-raising flour,1 free range egg,375ml buttermilk,juice of 1 lemon,3tablespoons caster sugar,2teaspoons butter melted,1teaspoon vanilla extract,extra butter for cooking

method: In a mixing bowl add all of the ingredients and whisk into a smooth batter. heat a non stick fry pan and add a little butter over a low heat, with a large serving spoon add a heaped spoon into the pan. allow to cook to a light golden brown and bubble on the surface before flipping. Continue cooking the remaining mixture.

Raspberry Coulis

ingredients: 1cup frozen raspberries,juice of 1 1/2 lemons, 1tablespoon caster sugar

method: Combine all ingredients into a fry pan. Over a medium heat, simmer until the mixture thickens and becomes syrupy. Serve warm over the pancakes with a dollop of mascarpone or crème fraîche.