St GEORGIA & Boo

out beyond the ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing there is a field.. ill meet you there. Rumi

recent posts

  • women standing for women

    It is my daughters final year of senior education.  To say I’m incredibly proud of her would be an understatement, but it’s never been her position to prove anything to me. She is already all-encompassing of everything she has ever needed to be. Her final year has been a heavy weight to endure. It has left me as a parent, quite disillusioned and a somewhat perplexed as to why we are deeming it necessary to place such astronomical amounts of pressure upon these young adults shoulders.  Even the most well-balanced adult would have difficulty sustaining the weight of such pressures. Nevertheless she has held her own, in a system that holds very little room for flexibility and individual sentiments. She knows that she has given it her all, and most of all she knows she did it for herself. And that is all that is ever really necessary.  For her final media piece she produced a short film focusing on concerning issues still facing women today on a global scale. She chose to use her voice, she chose to be brave and innately powerful in her message. Whats important is she is willing. Willing to be seen, be heard, and is already comfortable in the knowing that what she has to say matters. We can spend our entire lives coming to this realisation,  the realisation of our own worth and how much of a role it plays in everything we choose to undertake. If this is the only message that our children take with them as they embark on their journeys, then as parents we will have done enough.

  • leading the way

  • trusting our own outrage

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    The freedom to be angry on purpose holds as much importance as does the freedom to be happy. One cannot exist without the other. There cannot be one feeling that circles around again and again, never realising anything other than itself. How would we ever possibly know what does not serve us well, if we were to only ever experience one single feeling without the contrast?  Why are we taught to be so afraid of what this emotion entails? Our outrages can signify what doesn’t sit well with us, what truths maybe stirring beneath the surface of what we are yet to see.  It could be  what guides us in the process of recognising what is not in our best interest or what we should not be willing to settle for.  Why have we been raised to be afraid of the contrast? To avoid the conflict at all costs, as if no positive outcomes or realisations could come from such experiences? We have been raised to not fight for ourselves.  For some, the confrontation is so uncomfortable, that they are willing to hold themselves in untruths for the sake of peace, usually a peace that cannot and will not last or serve them well.  I have had the freedom in my life to experience the contrast in such ways that i am now unafraid when it presents itself.  I have learnt to pay careful attention when it rises, especially in the moments it catches me off guard.  I am in a place now where i have learnt to deeply trust my own outrages.   I have experienced the battle enough in life now to know that sometimes it’s necessary and required for things to move forward in the desirable direction. I have experienced it enough to no longer be afraid of what it entails. I am comfortable in the knowing that what drives my battle is a passionate truth. My own.  I realise what serves as my truth can only ever be that.  Not everyone is going to have the desire to live the same, they can only ever have their own truths to follow. I’m thankful for their contrast as it keeps me clear and heading in the direction to which I am wanting to go.  And as hard as it maybe to fathom, it really is insignificant where others are standing in their lives.  It only ever really matters and can become hazardous  when you find yourself too focused on trying to change their truths rather than staying clear about where you are standing in your own. The story always only ever belongs to you. As soon as you can bring yourself into the realisation that you are  always only ever creating the story, the sooner you can get on with paying attention to what it is you are wanting to look like. And becoming comfortable in all the shades we carry that take us along that journey.

     

  • coming full circle

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    There’s always a time that comes when raising children that it becomes necessary to step to the side. We can only guide and set the pace for so long, then they begin to stretch themselves in and out of the comfortable and familiar places to see whats out there, what else is on offer. They begin this process of sifting and sorting through life’s offerings usually at a time when we believe they are most vulnerable. We are wanting to keep them close by, keep them securely tucked under our wings, keep them safe from all we know is out there. But the truth is, it’s necessary that they begin to know this for themselves. It’s necessary that we listen to what it is they are wanting and needing to do, at what ever age it presents itself, however hard at times it may be to hear. Our readiness as parents may not always line up with theirs.  We must be able to step to the side, even if the words are hard to hear, even if we already know what the probability of the outcome will be.  Even if we believe that their choice is not going to serve them well, it remains to be their choice.  I have been learning to stand to the side of my children for some time now. Their choices are hard ones to hold at times, and it has become necessary to know when to keep quite and allow the sifting and sorting of their preferences to be that of their own. My children have been learning what works for them and what doesn’t from very young ages. At times its felt as though some of the lessons have been too hard, that they have been too young to be carrying such weights. Weights, that most of the time they have chosen for themselves. It’s not easy to stand to the side, in the deepest of love, and wait, wait to see if they will come back full circle. I’ve noticed, that most of the time they usually do, on most things. They begin somewhere with an idea of themselves and they want to see how it fits out there in the world. Then they play, explore, dream, fly and fall. And eventually, usually always they’ll end up somewhere where they first began. This is the beginning of their lives moving in circles, eventually everything always brings them home, back to themselves.

  • thinking on tippy toes

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    This is what i intrinsically believe learning to be for him.  Thinking requires immense bodily  movement. Walking, talking, bare feet and tippy toes.  Thought forms are  spoken out loud with tremendous enthusiasm and with repetition to anyone who is readily available to listen. He will do this until it makes picture perfect sense, to him. And sometimes it is absolutely necessary for him to move to higher spaces, where the air is somewhat clearer. Floor play is the preferred play way where chairs and tables are rarely sat in for extended periods of time and if they are he prefers not to sit down in the traditional sense. He moves to the freedom of how he is feeling and there are no forced days he is required to fit into. He is moving completely at will, and to the flow of himself.    Everything requires  a curious explanation with the discussion beginning first thing in the morning and continuing the entire day. There aren’t really any schedules or rules to follow, except eat when you are hungry, rest when you are tired, bathe when you’ve changed colour and if you can make it yourself, then you should.  This is what free learning for him means and as he embarks on his learning adventure, he won’t be constricted to rooms, spaces, furniture or shoes.  His body will remain as free to move with him as his mind is. He can think out loud, as loud as required without disturbing anyone. He can speak his thoughts as they arise without needing to pause and wait until appropriate discussion periods are allocated. This point is particularly important to note as often his thoughts and ideas that arise during conversation require additional verbalization for it to make sense to him and necessary if you are wanting him to retain the information for further learning at another stage. Often if waiting is required even for short moments, the ideas and the words chosen for the communication are unfortunately, usually lost.  His contribution to his learning is on going, and most importantly moves to his unique flow. He is learning to collaborate with people, not of just the same age and or development but from the many ages he is surrounded by. And like adults he choses who to engage with not by age but by the more natural laws that attract people to each other.    He is fortunate in not  being confined to only the experience of five year old minds. He partakes in the wild and expansive imaginations of his younger and older siblings, in a kind of play based learning that if acknowledged and rightly valued, should continue way past pre school years and will undoubtably continue to serve them all for the entirety of their lives. Materials that are usually phased out during the primary school years will most likely remain in our learning experience. We won’t be out growing our home corner, by the age of 6. Home Economics will grow and expand as he does. He will be able to learn math and operate the washing machine. We will learn about anything and everything that he arises interest in and we will learn it in a way that we have advanced to. There are few rules and no time limits allocated to any one subject. Everything can be interwoven and overlapped and expanded if there is freedom in learning.   I know, there are schools like this that exist. Learning environments that are willing to take the alternative way towards educating our children, one that nurtures individuality and inspires curiosity and most of all  values children’s innate ability to know what it is they are wanting to learn and know about at any given stage. And even though there are a few, it’s not many. And we are needing many. We are requiring this approach of educating to no longer be the alternative approach and  in retrospect only available to a handful of children but rather how unprecedented would it be to integrate this alternative way into the whole. And allow our children to truly lead the way in their learning abilities.

  • children self-learning

  • Life on the Möbius Strip- Palmer Parker

  • my Möbius Strip

    “If you take your index finger and trace what seems to be the outside surface, you suddenly find yourself on what seems to be the inside surface. Continue along what seems to be the inside surface, and you suddenly find yourself on what seems to be the outside surface. ” Parker Palmer

     

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    I’ve spent 30 days nurturing the inside,  gently saying no to most things on the outside and intern saying yes to myself. It’s necessary every now and again to reassess all that is going on in life and sort through all that’s not flowing in the same direction, if we are to keep ourselves wide open and remain steady on the path of our truth.   It is finding ways of bringing the outside world into aliment with what we are seeking for ourselves on the inside.  The space was easy to be in and flowed more naturally than i expected it would. It was easier to say no from this space. A space where i compassionately gave myself permission to matter more than any other for this moment.  And before giving anyone my yes, i foremost required a yes from my inner world first. More often, it was a no, which helped me to realise just how much of my inner world i have been compromising for the outer worlds wanting. Finding the balance is essential in keeping the two worlds flowing harmoniously. For now, I have become my highest priority in my story. My well-being is the one that’s vitality matters most if i am to continue to carry the weight of my tribe and also stay on the path of living faithfully within my truth.  And i am understanding ever so clearly now, that it must be for the sake of my children that i remain it to stay this way. For me to be my highest idea of myself as a mother, daughter, friend or anything on the outside world,  i must foremost be the highest idea of myself in my inner world first. It’s the only way to keep moving forward. I’m not interested in standing still or bending myself in ways that i know are going against the inner flow.   I’m only interested in keeping myself wide open and in the certainty that what ever path I am to embark on from here on in,  will be one closer to a truth of who i am now, and will perhaps have little resemblance to any i have travelled before.  I am reawakening the dreams that have been with me forever that i had some time ago decided could never be, and I have decided that they could be once again,  for this Is my life.  I’m focusing less on the intricate details of how and when things will come about and spending more time in the knowing of they just will.  My children are on this journey with me, and they flow closer to their own rhythms of truth the closer i flow to mine. So it is as much for them as it is for me that i endeavour to stay on this journey of compassionately tending to myself, endeavouring to close the gap between my outside and inside worlds.

  • outgrown the system?

  • free to learn

  • my path of least resistance

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    I’ve decided to stay with myself for at least 30 days. Much like inviting an old lost friend over to  spend some necessary time with. I’m getting to know the me that is within the me.  I’m wanting this to be a beginning of the commitment to myself. This is my gift to myself. This is how i will begin the practice of moving with intent, intentionally moving with purpose.  I am keeping myself in the moment, from moment to moment what ever that entails.  I’m asking all the questions that one asks when arriving at this place in their life. And I’m listening whilst deeply awaiting the answers. This is how the clarity is surfacing, things that seemed important, are no longer. The ideas that i have been moving my whole life from are changing, I’m realising that they have never been my ideas.  I’ve been following a way, a human blueprint for’ this is how things are done way’.  And this simply does not fit with me anymore or possibly i am no longer wanting to be a willing participant.  There is a larger picture, a greater more expansive idea of ourselves, if we are brave enough to jump and i’m jumping in. I am moving from within, from the inside out. It will be my creative force that will bring forth my ideas that will define my path now, not a story generated so long ago that it no longer makes sense in the world of today.  Somewhere along the road we stopped listening to ourselves, and we started following, following all those who went before us. We did this in trust, that they knew better and knew where they were going and that it would lead us too, where we believed we needed to be. I’m not so sure that’s how we should be moving now, and I am sure that it’s not those ideas and deep-seated beliefs that I’m going to insist my children learn from and follow. I know that they already know who they are, it is not my job or concern to cloud their views with personal or world fears.  Their stories are that of their own and i trust they know what is best for themselves. My children have the freedom to be. I am not insisting that they part take in the situations to which conformity is enforced upon them if it is not what they are wanting, even in their young ages this can be clear. I’m giving them the space to feel their way rather than filling them up.  They will be free to choose and lead their own ways. They are my greatest teachers. It is in all their innate determination and unwillingness to conform to the old stories and beliefs that keeps me asking the unorthodox questions that need to be asked now more than ever before. It is them who have come forth and bought me to where i am standing now, who are leading me towards higher grounds, and i am willingly letting them lead the way, all the way.

     

     

  • some more truth, for you dear friend

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    I have a person, and there was for a short time when i lost hold of her. This time is one of the hardest moments for me to think about now, now that i’m back standing in my truth. Theres a noticeable gap now.  A gap in the memories we were creating together. One that, was probably necessary for things to play out the way they did, however now brings me a deep sense of loss. I regret that we missed time. I regret that i gave her up so easily, that i was willing to walk away from her, and the most devoted friendship I’d ever known and in turn my truth. Because to have her beside me would have meant not embarking on the path i was about to take, and for what ever reason, life was going to take me on that course. I know that i was deeply denying myself in this moment in my life, falling into the depths of a story that is still hard for me to make real sense of even now. I understand that she couldn’t have been here for me during this moment, she represented too much for me, she was the all and everything that was real and absolute about who i was and i was playing somebody else, in this moment. So Life in all its graciousness pressed pause on us for a while, until one day when she knew, it was time to once again press play. And in what can only be described as divine timing she returned and she brought with her my truth. She is the one i know i have travelled life times with and will continue travelling with for life times to come. Theres a knowing between us that runs far deeper than anything that could ever be explained here.  We love profoundly each other and each others children, we forgive and embrace the highest parts of ourselves always acknowledging that rarely do we have all the answers, knowing how unnecessary it would be anyway.  How comforting it is to know that when all else falls away, we are unafraid to let ourselves be seen by each other in all the shades and stories we carry, condemning neither against the other. Our children carry on the bond, walking their paths closely, more like siblings than friends, holding the memories we’ve created close to their hearts, knowing that the foundation has been laid for them to return to whenever the need calls. They know we have them, and they us and thats all that matters. This is the part of my life complete in its everything, nothing more could ever be asked, nothing about it requires change, it is the absolute already, and i am eternally grateful for her and the story.

  • ‘forgive them for they know not what they do’

    IMG_6331I’m loving myself enough to say no. No in kindness, no with absolute love, for myself. I’m loving myself enough to know that whatever i am extending to myself in this moment will eventually flow on and through me to effect the whole. I’m not bothered by the resistance for I am sitting strong and sure and in the knowing of my truths certainty. I understand that it’s not personal. They are just reactions to my actions. The resistance will always come, not because what I’m doing is wrong but because there is a deep sense of loss of control from the other, and possibly they are unfamiliar and  uncomfortable with this new me. A me that is valuing herself and will acknowledge herself and how she feels before moving on any decision. Moving this way, is intimate, slower, mindful and with purpose. It’s not always going to sit well in this fast paced, get what you want, kind of a world. And there are always going to be times when people just don’t want to hear you say No.  Its alright, I’m not taking it personally. I understand that it is impossible for me to continue to please and accommodate everyone, without treating myself with the same deference.  Life just doesn’t work that way. We cannot truly share with others what we are essentially denying ourselves. So I’ve taken myself back to the beginning, giving to myself all that i ultimately wish to share with others.  I’m not resisting the resistance, but rather allowing their experience to be that of their own, what ever that entails,  it’s not my responsibility to own or carry how others choose to react, anymore.  My mantra for todays is ‘Forgive them for they know not what they do’ – Luke 23:34 So be it, amen.

  • Next Truth

    They did not feel they could choose what they wanted, independent of circumstances. … it always seems that circumstances are powerful- more powerful than you are. You feel that all you can do is react or respond to them. Even if you have developed great skill in outmaneuvering circumstances, like a lion tamer outmaneuvering the lions, it is still the circumstances- the lions- that hold the ultimate control in how you live you life. -Robert Fritz

     

    This has been the way i have lived life, for most of my life.  My first considerable circumstance that defined how i would move was my first child.  In trying to choose the best life for her, I married her father and began creating the story. I wish i could say with Truth that it was out of a deep love, for him, but i can’t, it was out of a deep love for her. And i knew this at the time, even at twenty. I stayed quiet, silenced the voice within and did what needed to be done to ready myself for the making of a family. I pretended that it was all that mattered. Believing that there was enough love to make it look as though it was always going to be part of the plan. But it hadn’t been my plan, it caught me by surprise and i reacted. This story played out for seven years in all the usual ways, and for the most part i was content with all the distraction children brought. I was abundant in the circumstances surrounding the way i was moving through life and avoiding my truth. It simply was just too much to allow to rise to the surface in this story. We do that as mothers, leave ourselves behind or worse in the dark to keep the story going. And we usually think we do this well, but it’s never really far away, and life has this divine way of always bringing to you what truths you are needing to see at the time.  And when my husband decided to leave one day, i remember i felt terrified and relieved in the same breath. Terrified at the idea of caring for three young children on my own and relieved that he had found the courage to leave, something i would silently be eternally grateful to him for. I’m no longer living this way, allowing the circumstances of my life to define my life. I’m moving from a different part of myself now, the one where the answer isn’t always clear right away but you know it’s there and you know that it will be revealed as its meant to, so your content in the waiting. The strength i learned about myself during this time,  has carried me forward. It’s what brought me through the chapters that followed to where I’m standing now. It’s whats giving me the courage to stand strong in my truth, in the midst of this chapter. And with all resistance that comes up against it, I’m thankful to them for they are the continuum of reminders on how i need to be ever so mindful of my Truth.

  • First Truth

    First Truth. I have five children. I’ve had two husbands. My marriages have served me well, not so much in the ways i thought they would but more so in the ways in which life was willing me show me what i needed to see at this time. I’ve made mountains of mistakes, that are mine to own and that I’m eternally grateful for. They are what has brought me closer to the truth of myself. I have held myself back from what i truly deserved more times than I’ve deserved which i am still learning as to why?  I’ve found myself allowing things that i wouldn’t wish for my own daughters, i say daughters because its more often than not that they are they ones most likely to find their way into these places with another. I’m tired of pretending that what has played out doesn’t matter, or worse didn’t occur to keep peace, in the story that is playing out now. None of which serves me well. It’s not in my best interests to know secrets that are not mine to own, yet unspokenly held to keep them, so that they can stew around in the darkness causing unconscious turmoil to whomever they are connected to, even in the smallest of ways. Thats not my truth. I have nothing to hide. No errors that I’m ashamed of that cannot be spoken out loud. My mistakes have always been in trusting. Trusting others over the trust of myself. That hasn’t served me well. I’m trusting myself now. I’m trusting the instinctual judgment that comes from within, that wakes me up, says this is how it is even when a story is still playing out that i no longer wish to pretend to be apart of anymore, yet are continuing to do so for the sake of others. This doesn’t serve me. This is no longer the truth of me. Life at some stage needs to get real, I’m not afraid of shattering the illusion. I didn’t come here to sit quietly on the side lines and behave politely. I can no longer play roles and parts that don’t serve me and i won’t apologise for it.  Peeling back the layers, requires being real in everything, with everyone. For some, this will be asking too much i understand this, the gap will be too great and ill let them go. And the ones that are meant to stay, of course will stay.  It asks for us to unravel and be seen in all the shades even the ones we are most afraid of bringing to the light. But this is where i am. I have spent enough time playing in life, creating pictures to fill gaps and please all but myself. Its time for me to step into a deeper idea of who i am in this life.  I’m awake now and it’s already begun.